 [UPDATE BELOW] Now that the budget is balanced, the economy is prosperous, war is over, and global warming is no longer a dire threat to civilization, President Obama can finally focus on the issues that really matter to the American people, like whether he was really born in America, or in some Muslim madrassa in Kenya as part of a terrorist sleeper cell. This morning at 9:45 a.m., the President of the United States will give a statement addressing the "debate" over his citizenship status, which has recently been questioned by human hairpiece pedestal Donald Trump. Obama also posted his "long-form birth certificate" (as opposed to the "certificate of live birth," which Obama released in 2008) on the White House website. Sadly, those who care about this most probably can't read it. Watch Obama talk about this live: [MORE]  | [UPDATE BELOW] So the NYPD is now letting the New York Post control its bike lane agenda? Yesterday Murdoch's minions ran an exhaustive piece on how bicyclists are not using misusing the bike lanes at the intersection of Lafayette and Prince Streets and wouldn't you know it, today the NYPD set up at that very intersection to ticket cyclists. Their crime? Not using the bike lane. Whether that is even illegal is besides the point.... [ MORE ] |  | Homeless woman Tanya McDowell is due in court in Norwalk this morning to facing charges that she illegally enrolled her son in a local elementary school. Educational lobbying groups are planning a news conference in support of McDowell, a single mother with past criminal convictions, for enrolling her five-year-old son in the Norwalk school system under her friend's public housing address, when authorities claim he should have gone to a school in Bridgeport.... [ MORE ] |  | Intactivism is the belief in the right of baby boys to keep their foreskins intact, and there's a movement to legally ban circumcision. After introducing legislation last year, a San Francisco-based group of intactivists opposing male circumcision has collected enough signatures for a ballot initiative next November on whether to bar the practice in the city. "It's excruciatingly painful and permanently damaging surgery that's forced on men when they're at their weakest and most vulnerable," said Lloyd Schofield, one of the chief opponents.... [ MORE ] |  | Police released video of a Chinese food deliveryman being beaten by three men in a Morningside Heights apartment building's hallway; a fourth man acts as a lookout. The assault occurred on Friday afternoon; according to NY1, "Police say they ordered Chinese food, then waited outside the sixth-floor elevator for the deliveryman to arrive."... [ MORE ] |  | A reader sent us this photo showing a Department of Homeland Security vehicle parked in the bike lane on Prince Street outside the Apple Store in SoHo today. We're told the operators of the vehicle were browsing "leisurely" upstairs at the store, and our tipster believes one of them had a genius bar appointment. Obviously, this was a matter of vital national security, and while we're waiting to hear back from the Homeland Security spokesperson, we'll just assume the bike lane terror threat level is currently "elevated." ... [ MORE ] |  | HBO starts production of its latest political movie, Game Change, on Wednesday and the first picture of its star, Julianne Moore, dressed up in Sarah Palin drag was released today. Gone is Moore's famous red tresses, replaced with Palin's brown hair (and famous updo). What do we think, does she pull it off?... [ MORE ] | | |
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